the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
