it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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