Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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