OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
