apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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