I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
