woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
