and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
