hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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