I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
