I think my vagina is haunted
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
