just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
