my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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