So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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