My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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