At least make sure they are 18
Why
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
