apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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