Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
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