i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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