I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
