I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
