I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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