Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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