I'm lost and stupid without you.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize