3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
