after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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