I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
