I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
