Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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