we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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