Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
