Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
