It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
