I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
