I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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