You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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