I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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