hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm like, not good at living.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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