i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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