Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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