Kiss
Puke
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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