i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
