My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
