tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Boobs speak an international language.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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