If i come over, it means nothing
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
