ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
