I want to make a zoo with you.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
