She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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