Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
