Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
