All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
