How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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