I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
