i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
