You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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