He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
