We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
