Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
