Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
