he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
as a side note pls kill me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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