new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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