My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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