If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
