I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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