Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
