so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
