I'm going to jail i love you
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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