he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
