if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
