I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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