so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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