Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
