Just cropdusted the office
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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