can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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