at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
