There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
